Tuesday, July 19

We went camping a couple of weekends ago and there was a hummingbird flying through our camp for two days.  It reminded me of you and Gannyrene.  It was very  hard to get through the weekend.  As I mentioned in the other blog I was going to stay in some form of "drunk". 

Now it's almost time for school to start and I took Shelia to Forever 21 for some shorts and it was hard to watch the mothers and their daughter's getting clothes for school.  I even saw a cute short outfit with jean suspenders.  It just looked like you.

I've been asking God often why he took you and to give me an answer somehow of what your purpose was here - what did you accomplish while you were here that he couldn't have let you stay longer.

I do know from reading the memory book that you made a huge impression and everyone knew that you were a Christian.  I don't think that was your mission.  I'd like to know - hopefully he'll answer this prayer since he hasn't seen fit to help me out in other ways lately.

Tuesday - July 12, 2011

The grief is still debilitating at times.  Yesterday Holly mentioned that she had no one to babysit her kids for her night class because her girls were picky. I started crying because they liked you.  I did give Holly a picture of you for Riley and she was so excited!  I wonder how Sophie is doing at the rec. center or if she even knows.

I haven't told your father yet, but I don't know how long I can work.  Anytime I'm off by myself I start thinking of you and having a panic attack.  I don't want to stay in this house either.  I still smell your scent from your room almost every night.

Monday

Today at school Holly was talking about having trouble finding babysitters because her daughters are "picky".  I started to cry because all I could think of was that they loved it when you babysat them.  I gave them a picture of you because they wanted one.

I miss you :(

friday

On the way out of town today we stopped at Carls jr and the song 99 red balloons started playing & I realized I would never be able to torment you with that song any  more.

Thursday

We are going to be camping. It will be the first one that I have been on without you. I plan on staying in some frame of "drunk" to get through. It will be strange not having your wit and smile with us.





It's still strange putting your brother to bed and not having you stick your head in the door and giving him a hug or riling him up.





I miss you!

Wednesday

Today we talked about you at work. A friend gave me a book to help me deal with my grief. I'm not sure how it will work, but I'm open right now as my grief is almost debilitating at times. I also reread some of the posts in your guestbook and your friend Kristal didn't understand why he chose to take you so soon, but she is letting her faith help through. I am trying too. Right now I don't feel anything toward God. I think I'm just "done" and broken - will I ever recover? Only time will tell.

Tuesday

Yesterday your Dad counted out 4 paper plates for the pizza & wings. It's still difficult to comprehend that you're not here.

Today, I listened to some of your favorite songs/singers- julien dore - kiss me forever; noah and the whale - 5 years time; Mika - Lollipop. You also were so happy - even the songs you listened to were happy.

You're sweet soul will be missed by so many people. Why did God call you home so soon?